London in mid winter. Ah the pleasure will be all mine. The many pleasures. Food, beer, people, shopping. All systems go. What with this turbulence back home, I need some peace. Some calm amidst all storms. I need to back off myself, stop all the shitty thoughts of the men in my life and just let go. For once, just let the fuck go.
I was sitting by the phone, I guess I still am. Waiting to hear from him. Like some desperate school girl. As if his love would validate me. It won’t. It can’t. Those rivers run too damn deep. But I’ve been sitting there. Right by the phone. Longing. What an idiot. I’m saddened by my own actions. By all the shit that came out of his mouth. What a heap of crap. I bought it. I did. Right off the shelf. No closer inspections, no extra look. I’ve been daft before and that familiar feeling sets again. I was hoping for more. I got a hell of a lot less than I expected.
Maybe I’m the fool in all of this. I probably am. I’m the common denominator in all these messes. Maybe I bring it on myself when I act like a fool. Like a love starved teenager, just waiting to be graced by a man’s presence. Whatever the reason, I need to knock this shit off. Enough with all these good-for-nothing losers. I’ve wasted too much time. Invested myself too greatly into this shit.
It is time to back the fuck off.
Loserville’s population decreased by one, just this moment.